Couples Counseling
Note: The term for “couples counseling” may vary, however, the methods of counseling are similar: Couples Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Therapy, Relationship Advice, Relationship Therapy, Marriage Problems, Christian Marriage Counseling
When is Couples Therapy right for you?
Are sleepless nights fueled by arguments and worry about your relationship’s future becoming your new normal? If conversations have dwindled to mere logistics, sidelining genuine feelings, and the fear of separation or divorce—and its painful impact on your children—constantly looms, you might be experiencing significant relationship problems. Perhaps you’re already navigating the complexities of co-parenting after separation, struggling to find common ground. It’s common to then seek emotional support outside the partnership, from co-workers or friends, or even turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like increased alcohol use or excessive work hours to avoid escalating home conflict. When every interaction feels like an argument, true communication in your relationship has broken down, compromise is a distant memory, and the question “How can I be a good partner?” feels forgotten, please know you are not isolated in these struggles. Many individuals and couples face these painful marriage challenges in silence, but understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing and finding relationship support..
There is good news
There are evidence-based practices for couples therapy, proven to show effective results for struggling relationships. These practices focus primarily on communication skills, realistic compromise, ratios of positive to negative interactions, breaking down criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
With therapy, couples can expect to learn basic and advanced communication skills. They can expect to have skills to put into practice after the first session. At the next session, you come back and work on any barriers that arose when trying to use these skills. Whether married or dating, you will get to know important details about each other. You will be in a neutral atmosphere, where we will address issues you may have with effective communication. All these efforts will lead to better understanding, more successful interactions, and a renewal of the energy in your relationship. Frequently, during marriage therapy and couples therapy, we uncover core issues that have caused a lack of trust and distance. You can address these issues head-on with a third party in the room and start healing these hurts. When appropriate, personality tests and/or reading materials are suggested as homework to expedite the process.
The Gottman Institute method is one of the many interventions used by marriage and family therapists, including many at Renew Hope and Healing. The Gottman Institute has a research-based approach to strengthening relationships. It is responsible for researching and developing this information for couples. See References at the bottom of this page.1
What if I’m ready for couples therapy, but my partner/spouse refuses to come in?
Unfortunately, this is a common scenario. It is always preferable for both partners/spouses to attend the first session. However, I have had situations where one partner/spouse attends a few sessions and then the other comes out of curiosity or after seeing some changes in the person attending therapy. If you are having trouble with your partner/spouse not wanting to attend, we sometimes suggest that you have them call your therapist so any reservations or concerns that they have can be addressed. Another approach is to suggest to your partner/spouse that they speak with someone you know who has been to couples counseling and is willing to share their experience. A more assertive way is to tell your partner/spouse how you feel, perhaps: “I really have doubts about our relationship, and I need you to attend counseling with me to get help.” This last idea is reserved for extremely damaged relationships.
So this all sounds good, but will it work for my relationship?
While a successful outcome isn’t universally guaranteed, engaging in couples therapy provides a structured environment where some partners discover that even a temporary separation can be a valid, constructive step for their relationship’s future. Critically, couples who bypass professional marriage counseling or relationship counseling significantly reduce their chances of acquiring vital effective communication skills and mastering essential compromising behaviors needed to navigate disagreements. Time and again, couples express profound relief, sharing experiences like, “Thankfully, we attended counseling…we can finally talk through something without it ending in an argument, and we solve problems quicker.” The core of couples therapy is to intentionally moderate discussions, creating a safe space where each individual can truly hear their partner and, just as importantly, feel genuinely heard – an indispensable skill for embarking on the healing process and fostering relationship repair.
What Renew Hope and Healing has to offer
- We have convenient hours for those who need appointments after school, work, or extra-curricular activities.
- We accept most insurances. See here for more information about payment/insurance. We will work with people who have a financial hardship.
- We have offices in Victor, Henrietta, Pittsford, and Penfield, NY. We also provide telehealth.
- Our licensed therapists have years of experience helping struggling couples
Next steps
Start to read: Reconcilable Differences, Second Edition: Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love–without Losing Yourself Christensen, Phd, Andrew.2
Call us at 585-398-8835 or Schedule An Appointment online
Renew Hope and Healing
Locations in Victor, Henrietta, Pittsford and Penfield.
Also servicing surrounding areas such as: Canandaigua, Farmington, Clifton Springs, Geneva, Shortsville, Macedon, Palmyra, Perinton, Fairport, and Bloomfield.
REFERENCES
1 www.gottman.com Co-founded by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, the Gottman Institute, help couples directly and provide state-of-the-art training to mental health professionals and other health care providers. The Gottman Institute applies leading-edge research on marriage in practical, down-to-earth therapy and trains therapists committed to helping couples. No other approach to couples education and therapy has relied on such intensive, detailed, and long-term scientific study of why marriages succeed or fail.
2 Andrew Christensen, PhD, Reconcilable Differences, Second Edition: Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love–without Losing Yourself. Andrew Christensen, PHD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. Dr. Christensen has spent more than 30 years studying intimate relationships and working with couples in therapy. He has conducted extensive research on the impact of couples therapy, including the approach on which this book is based, which he developed with the late Neil S. Jacobson. Dr. Christensen and his wife, who live in Los Angeles, have two grown children.